You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
