my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
