you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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