if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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