i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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