I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
