I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
