i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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