Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
