If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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