the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i think my cat just said my name.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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