so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
