everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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