Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
