Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
