I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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