I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
