sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
