I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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