I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
