Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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