I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
