WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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