Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
