We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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