plz talk dirty to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
