i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
