What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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