Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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