I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
where am i from again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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