Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
