You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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