She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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