Don't make out with my wife yet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
