Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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