She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
