Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
