Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
