I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
