I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
