ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She said her name was "party"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
