Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
