I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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