I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
