I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
wow bdsm is so cute
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
