ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
