it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
