before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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