Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
