): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
