Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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