ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
