They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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